Why We Struggle to Trust (And How to Fix It)
A session with a client this morning was a bold reminder of how far I have I come to healing my own trust issues. I am sure most of us have been there. That gut feeling that just won’t leave, checking their phone, questioning their behaviour. I know I have. I had to deal with my husband having an affair (years ago) which affected so many of my relations thereafter. Finding a solid space to choose new experiences from, is a key to healing and having healthy relationships.
Let’s take a deep look into Trust.
Ever tried to trust someone, only to hear that little voice in your head go, “Yeah, right, remember last time?” Welcome to the club! Trust issues don’t just magically appear; they’re earned through past betrayals, heartbreaks, and disappointments. If you’ve ever been ghosted, lied to, or let down, it’s no wonder your brain now acts like an overprotective bouncer, scanning for potential threats at every turn.
But is living in a fortress of suspicion really the answer? Let’s break down why we struggle to trust and, more importantly, how we can heal from it.
1. Your Brain is Trying to Protect You
Imagine you touched a hot stove as a kid. Did you run back for round two? Nope. Your brain learned its lesson, and now, every time you see a stove, it’s like, “Let’s not.” The same thing happens with trust. Painful experiences become mental warning signs, making us hesitant to believe in people again.
2. Past Hurts Shape Our Expectations
If you’ve been hurt before, you might assume history will repeat itself. This is your brain’s way of saying, “Let’s not be foolish again.” But expecting the worst in every situation can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy because if you go in assuming someone will let you down, you’ll find reasons to confirm it.
3. We Fear Vulnerability
Trust requires vulnerability, and vulnerability is terrifying. It’s like handing someone a grenade and hoping they don’t pull the pin. The fear of being hurt again makes us build walls, but those same walls keep out love, joy, and connection too.
4. Trusting the Wrong People Leaves Scars
Ever trusted someone who turned out to be a master manipulator? Unfortunately, some people take advantage of trust, and that can make us doubt everyone. But here’s the thing: not everyone is out to hurt you. Learning to spot red flags instead of shutting down completely is key.
5. Healing Takes Conscious Effort
You don’t just wake up one day suddenly ready to trust again. It takes work—inner work. That means recognising where your fear comes from, challenging old beliefs, and making small steps towards letting the right people in.
How to Rebuild Trust (Without Feeling Like an Idiot)
✅ Acknowledge past hurts – Don’t pretend they didn’t happen. Face them, learn from them, and decide how you want to move forward.
✅ Work on self-trust first – The more you trust yourself to make good decisions, set boundaries, and listen to your gut, the easier it becomes to trust others.
✅ Take baby steps – Trust isn’t an all-or-nothing game. Start small, observe, and build from there.
✅ Recognise red and green flags – Not everyone deserves your trust, and that’s okay! Learn to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy behaviour.
✅ Challenge negative beliefs – Just because someone hurt you in the past doesn’t mean everyone will. Remind yourself that new people aren’t responsible for old wounds.
✅ Therapy, coaching, or journaling – Sometimes, we need an outside perspective to untangle past experiences. No shame in that!
Final Thoughts
Trusting again isn’t about being naïve; it’s about choosing to believe that good exists while staying smart about who you let in. Your past experiences can guide you, but they don’t have to define your future. So, maybe it’s time to lower that drawbridge (just a little) and let the right people in. You never know who might surprise you.
Would love to hear your thoughts! Ever struggled with trust? How did you overcome it? Healthy relationships build on a foundation of trust is possible. Book your sessions now.
